Why do I even bother looking around?

I just watched a video from Autism Speaks called "I am Autism". I heard a few bad things about it, but I thought that I would watch it myself and get my own opinions about it. When it was done, I was disgusted. In my opinion it makes Autism sound like some evil little troll coming to capture your children. Now I have gone through all the emotions a parent would go through when finding out their child is Autistic. I was in denial, mad, sad, very angry and then I got over my own little pity party and realized that Gage was still Gage. I didn't "lose" anything, I gained an understanding of how to relate better to my child. He is still the same goofy, loving, smart little boy he has always been. I just know better now how to help him communicate and deal with the things around him. I am sure a lot of parents go through a grieving like process when their child is first diagnosed, that is understandable. I think I did because it wasn't that I was losing anything, it was the fact that I had no idea what could or couldn't be. That was the scariest thing and that, is what made me angry/sad/upset. Of course I couldn't know what Gage's future holds even if he was never diagnosed, but you have ideas and know a general idea. School, college, marriage, grand kids...the whole shebang. The thing is, all of that is still possible. Gage could go on to become anything, whether that be a CEO of a big company or a fry cook. Of course, I hope for the first one...what parent wouldn't, lol. My point is, that video makes it sounds that there is no future or possibilities and it couldn't be farther from the truth. Autistic children and adults(yes, Ms. M..they Do exist) in my opinion have a limitless future. Of course, that being said that future could be different for each person. If someone is completely nonverbal and dependant on someone else, maybe that future is to try to get to a different goal than someone that is verbal and is not dependent.

I don't claim to have any special incite on Autism, in fact I am sure in the big scheme of things I know very little. What I do know is my son and that is all I need to know. I just don't understand why there is such a huge divide in the Autism community. You do what you do and I will do what I do. That should be all there is about it. I have my opinions and I have chosen what I think is right for my child. You do the same and leave me alone. Yes, I have finger pointed in the past in the blog..but understand, that is when my son was first diagnosed and I was bombarded with information. Much of it I didn't understand at the time and I had a lot of emotions going through me. Now, my take on things are I don't care what you do or preach. I am going to what I believe is best for my child. I do know though, that I do not appreciate an organization that is "committed" to help people doing the opposite. How can you help someone when you won;t even allow the people you claim to help have a voice in your organization? It makes no sense to me at all.

No, I do not know what it is like to have a child that is completely nonverbal that is dangerous to himself or possibly others. I will admit, I could no imagine what that is like. I know that there are times when I get frustrated, discouraged and just down right tired from day to day life with Gage. Would I ever want to change him? HELL NO! I just can't stand people saying that their child is "broken" or need to be "cured". I think it is irresponsible for a parent to say that about their child because to hear that from your own parent is devastating. How could you talk about your child like that? They may not be what you expected them to be, but they are still a person with thoughts, feelings and emotions. They do not deserve to be told they are "broken". NO one deserves that, Autistic or not. How would you like to go through your life being told that you needed to be "fixed"? I am not saying that you are a bad person for wanting to improve the quality of your child's life but they are not less of a person because they are Autistic. This video to me, makes it seem like just that. That because a child had Autism that they are some how less of a person. That is complete horse crap! I don't get how an organization like this can speak for something in a constantly negative way. I'm not saying Autism is all sunshine and roses, it isn't, but it isn't all manure and worms either. Its like having someone that is anorexic speak at a convention for obese people. Where is the logic in that? I feel like Autism Speaks is really cutting out a huge portion of the Autistic community by not having any Autistic adults, parents with "high" functioning children and adults with Asperger's a voice in the organization. How about instead of pouring millions into a nonexistent cure, putting that money into the homes of the people that truly need it. Set up something so children with Autism can get the services they need, devices that will help them in their day to day life...help create more schools, train more speech/occupational/physical therapists and special ed teachers..something! Maybe use that money to help low income families with Autistic children or help for Autistic adults in job training and life skills so if possible they can be more self sufficient. How about improving housing for the individuals that can not help themselves? Give better training for people that work in ARC homes so they can take better care of Autistic individuals? Nah..instead lets pay the organization workers triple digit salaries. That works.

There is so much more that can be done, but many people are just focusing on negative things. Why not help the communities? What about support groups, counseling sessions for parents with newly diagnosed children? Maybe then, they could get much needed information and talk to other parents. I know if that would have been available when my son was first diagnosed it would have been awesome. It would give such so much help to parents going through all the confusion and emotions of wondering what is next. I still have a lot to learn about how to help Gage and am grateful for the support system he has. He has wonderful therapists that I am sure must have gotten sick to death with all my questions. I still have questions that will probably never be answered. Do I know what is in store for Gage's future? Nope, but I do know that his possibilities are endless in my opinion. Right now we make short term goals and it works for us. We have some long terms ones in there too, don't get me wrong. I fully believe that when he is older he will be in school, hold down a job and be a functioning part of society. I would never not think he wouldn't be. Why put a limit on him? He doesn't deserve to be halted before he even tries.

I know, I am full of opinions and you might think.."Well why not get off your pregnant butt and do something about it?" or "Well, your son is this or that and you don't get what it is like with a child that is this or that." Nope, I don't. I cant speak for you and your child just like you cant speak for me or mine. Neither can an organization that is so one sided..that is the point to what I was saying here. Yes, it was a long winded, highly opinionated way to get to it. That's me though and this is my blog. If you don't like it, don't read it. I'm not holding your mouse from wondering up to that little X now am I? Nope. Basically, this is what I am thinking and feeling at this moment and I felt like getting it all out. I am entitled to do so on my personal blog.

Oh and yes, I know I tend to babble..so I apologize if I said the same thing 100 times. My mind tends to go faster than my fingers can hit the keys.

So much for keeping up to date..

Well, it has been a month since I last posted anything. Didn't I say not long ago that I was going to keep this up to date? Nah..I couldn't have said that, because I know I would have done what I said I would do. But anyways..

I am officially at the half way point of this pregnancy! As Gage would say..HOO HOO! I've done pretty good so far, besides being wicked tired and a bit grumpy. What, me? Grumpy?? NEVER! I had my 20 week sonogram the other day. Justin came with me, which was nice because he missed Gage's sonogram because I was in another state. Watching his face was the fun part for me. So..I went in there hoping for a girl but pretty sure it would be a boy. Especially since everyone it seems is having girls. I always have to be the odd ball and do the opposite. While the sonographer(or whatever the official title is) was doing her thing, she was checking out the kidneys and I saw a little bubble. Now, once I saw that I knew it would be a boy. Justin was oblivious so I didn't say anything. Then, of course...she started to scan lower and I was right! I TOLD Justin not to call the baby she until he knew for sure! So there you have it...hot dogs:3 buns:1. I'm getting another momma's boy. I'm pretty sure we have a name, at least we(actually I) picked one out. I think we are going to go with Eli. It's different but not too out there and it goes well with Gage.

The sonogram was pretty neat though, a lot different from Gage's. This baby is active and has HUGE feet! While it was going on the baby's mouth was moving, hands were going and fingers wiggling all over. From what I could see...we have a big footed, fat cheeked baby brewing. I'm good with that, I'd rather have a baby with a little more meat on their bones. Then I don't feel like I'm going to break it. Now, I won't lie...the minute she said it was a boy I started to worry. I started to think, ok...I need to start with sign language right when the baby is born, just in case. Then, I thought I need to really keep track of milestones, fine/gross motor skills, socialization, eye contact..all of that stuff. All of this is going through my head while laying there. Of course, this baby not be on the spectrum at all, but it is more likely for another boy to be than a girl. Not that it would matter anyway, but it's still a worry. Alt east we know what to look for and have a support system already set.

Now..another good thing is that I have sooo many clothes that still have tags on them from Gage that I can now use! Plus I have onesies coming out my butt..not literally of course, that would be odd. I won't use all of Gage's old clothes on this baby, because those are Gage's memories. But I can use a lot of it.

Speaking of Gage..he is continuing to be awesome...lol. Actually he is doing great with his speech and sensory. He is saying so much and really trying to say even more. He is even starting to say things with out prompts. One thing in particular that is adorable that he does is point to my belly and say baby or sometimes will say brother. How cute is that? We're waiting patiently for the go for school. As soon as they open another room, Gage is in. I'm still hoping for one room over another, but any room is better than no room. I think in a room Gage will just blossom. I would make my usual list of the new things Gage says, but I'm too tired to think of all of them! I'll have to put in on here later.

I'm sure there is more to update and sorry about the lack of pictures. I do have some..of the sonogram and from a recent trip to the pumpkin patch but those will have to come on another post. I'm going to sneak a quick nap while I can.