The good with some bad...

I'm not quite sure yet, it depends on how into it I get..but this might be a long one...

Before I start what I REALLY want to talk/bitch about, I'm going to do my update.

As I put in my last post, this past Friday we went to Albany for Gage's 6 month evaluation with his developmental pediatrician(or whatever her title is, lol). I have to say I was pretty nervous, last time Gage was NOT a happy camper. I think mostly because it was a long drive there, he didnt get to walk around before we went in, it was close to nap time and my mother was there. He is so obsessed with my mother that it normally does more harm than help. Anyway, this time we were prepared. We left early enough to have lunch and let Gage run around the mall a little bit to get some energy out. He also had a little nap. We got to the doctors about 20 minutes early, just enough time for Gage to explore. I was afraid that Gage wouldnt show anything that he has learned, because last time he just had a meltdown because we were making him do things he wasnt used to. Well..much to my surprise this time he did awesome! He signed all of the signs he knows, listened to directions, gave up toys when asked, made awesome eye contact with everyone, stacked blocks with the doctor and did some puzzles. I think the doctor was impressed too. She even said that she was amazed at the progress, but of course compared to last time he showed off. So basically we were told that he is making progress, he isnt flying off the charts but it is steady progress. I'll know more when I get the report. Either way, I'm happy with progress..as long as he isnt regressing, its good. All in all it was a good trip..but the Chinese food from the mall was not a fun time....at all.

I watched a special on Discovery the other night, it was called Uncovering Autism..then right after that we watching Autismx6. The first was about how they are trying to find the genetic marker for Autism and what they are doing to work towards that. It was pretty interesting, it showed older teenagers with Asperger's and how they are transitioning into adult life. It made me think of Gage and what will be in the future for him. I know adulthood is ALONG ways away, but really..its not that far. It just really made me think about what is going to happen and how scary it is not knowing what is going to happen. Will Gage live on his own? Will he get married? Will he talk? Will he go to college? There is no way of knowing and that is scary as all hell. The second show we watched was about a family that has 6 kids, all on the spectrum. Ranging from Classic Autism to PDD-NOS and all spots in between. I will say, and I know this is horrible...but Justin agreed. It made us feel better about our situation. Gage is by no means half as bad as some of these kids. He is quite high functioning compared to many kids on the spectrum. I hate to use someone else's family to make mine see not so bad, but its life..we all do it. It just made me realize it could be much, much harder than it is. Also, I liked the way they described PDD-NOS. They said that is basically like yes, you have Autistic characteristics but we dont what it is and that its not that bad. I liked that, the "not that bad" part.

So yesterday I decided to do something I dread. Getting Gage's hair cut. He was waaaay past due, he looked a little too shaggy. I figured well, we will make a day of it. He had a community visit with his speech therapist at McDonald's Playland. He was so funny! He went up into the play thing all by himself for the first time. Of course, inside I am freaking out. All I could think was "Oh, he is going to stumble, hit his face and knock a tooth out". Then I thought, "I'm going to have to climb in there, find him and clean up the blood..and then rush to the doctor's" I thought all of this in a matter of seconds, lol. Overprotective? Me?? NEVER! hehe..Now there were only a few other kids in there, so thats why I even let him. The funniest thing though was he would get to the top of the slide and just start blabbing. He was too afraid to go down by himself. I would yell his name and he would sort of chirp as a response. Then, two other boys came down the slide, one by one and finally like 2 minutes later...here comes Gage flying down the slide for the first time all by himself. Keep in mind that the whole way down you could hear his hands sliding down trying to grip the plastic..lol. He was so proud of himself when he came down, I wish I had my camera with me(I know, I know) but of course I didnt grab it, because I didnt plan on being there too long. Now I am kicking myself, but next time. We left Playland and headed to the mall to meet my mother. We got there way before she did so I decided to get the haircut over with. Now, this is never a pleasant experience for anyone involved. Let me explain...Gage hates anything near his ears or neck. He is VERY ticklish. So I rented those huge, ugly strollers from the mall. I figured, it has a wheel..so he can spin it while he is getting his hair cut. Wrong. That didnt work. I went to Regis, because I have tried so many places and havent been able to find a good fit. So, I went in there, gave my warning about how fun it is to cut his hair and then we waited for the woman to get us. She was VERY nice and patient with Gage. I specifically asked for someone that had experience with kids that are beyond difficult, lol. She did everything right and tried her best to help Gage. He just wasnt having it. We did get it cut though, which I am glad about. After we left Regis I went to that noise maker thing to help calm Gage down. He rode a ride or two, then off to Target. I was going to get him a little prize because I felt so bad, lol. I know, I know..but I also though if I gave him a reward he would look at it as a positive thing.

We then met up with my mother and off to the bunny we went. I did know how it would go. Gage is on and off with Santa but liked the Easter bunny the last time he saw him. This time, I was quite impressed. He LOVED the Easter bunny! He sat right on him and was mesmerized. He kept petting him, grabbing the bunny's hand and putting it to his face. He wanted the bunny to pet him, lol. He kept sticking his fingers in the bunny's mouth. He did awesome! We got 2 pictures, because I couldnt decide. After I took him off of the bunny's lap, he turned around and signed more to the bunny. He wanted to get back on him. After that we visited my gram and came home to settle down. I'll post the Easter bunny pics...but of course my scanner isnt hooked up so I did it ghetto style. I took a picture of a picture, so please excuse the quality :)



Isnt He Adorable??




How sweet is that?? He LOVED the bunny!

So..now that the good stuff is all done, now on to my rant. Ok, I was looking around Facebook at different groups and whatever. I came across a group for 2 local girls that died in a car accident recently. On it there was a video of this guy getting blasted on a tv show. This guy's name is Michael Crook. I have no idea who he is, but I figured I would look at it because the person that posted it said he was talking about the girls that died. So..I watched the video and out of curiosity went to his site. Now, I dont know why I go to these things, because they always tend to get me heated. So on his site, this guy is taking about how the girls were speeding and how they deserved to die. He went on and on with this nonsense. I could NOT believe what I was reading. This guy is insane! Who cares if speed was a factor, if they were not driving carefully or whatever. We wont ever know and its not for him to judge. The fact of the matter is that these girls died too young and it is horrible for someone who doesnt even know them to speak so badly of them. Was it probably something stupid that caused the accident? Possibly, I dont know. I dont care what the causes were, its sad and horrible that two young girls had to die. Thats enough. Now..again..no clue why I did it, but I did. I typed Autism in the search box of his site. I knew I was headed for something ugly, but oh did I not expect what I read. Let me give you an example of what he writes.

"As my longtime, gentle readers know, I consider people with autism to be annoying and amusing all at the same time. Why, in my past life as a retail manager, I used an autistic employee as a chew toy, teasing and prodding him for my amusement, to the joy of a few customers and fellow employees. Oh yes, autistic people are here for our entertainment.

But aside from that, they can be extremely annoying, what with the screaming, temper tantrums, and general bad behavior. They know what they’re doing, and the way to deal with them is to treat them like the bad people that they are, instead of the kid gloves treatment that the bleeding-heart liberals beg for.

So why are there so many ill-mannered autistic people around? Because of families such as the Bilsons of Seal Beach, California. They allow their 13-year-old daughter to act like a selfish, arrogant, spoiled brat, all because they don’t want her to scream.

Don’t they realize that by allowing this behavior, they’re validating it? This girl isn’t stupid, and she has full knowledge of what she’s doing. She knows full well that in order to get her way, all she has to do is scream.

This is the method that autistic people use to get special treatment. Sympathetic people give them carte blanche to annoy others with their loud behavior, under the guise of their autism.

The only way to deal with these people is to first of all use them as a chew toy for your own amusement. If they choose to scream, and cause a scene because they’re not getting their way, their autism is not an excuse. I don’t want to hear the “symptoms”: the whining about the pain they’re feeling, the sleep deprivation, the need for a precise schedule..if they can’t keep quiet in public, they need to be dealt with swiftly and harshly."

In another blog he also says :

"As amusing as people with autism are, though, it’s nobody’s obligation to cater to their every whim. If someone can’t take care of themselves, that’s their cross to bear"

How ignorant is that? People are entitled to their own opinions on everything, but come on! This proves that his guy has no concept of what Autism actually is. I'm not saying that people have to be supporters or understand anything. There are alot of disorders/syndromes/diseases that I cant begin to understand. I dont use them for my own amusement though. Autism is so diverse, that is why its a spectrum disorder. This guy is an ignorant jackass. He is the one with mental problems. I just cant believe how some people are...not all Autistics scream, kick, bite and throw tantrums. Just the fact that he thinks that these kids are showing this behavior because they want something shows how ignorant he truly is. Sure some are probably spoiled..that is going to happen with any kid, Autistic or not. I for one discipline my son, but only when he is doing something wrong. Not when he is stimming because he is over stimulated. That is not an act of bad behavior that is him trying to cope with his environment. I can see him as being one of those idiots that sees a mother with her crying child in the supermarket and being the person to ask the mom to shut her kid up. Do I want to hear a kid screaming its lungs out? No, of course not..I dont enjoy migraines. I do consider though, that the kid could be screaming for a few reasons.

1- It could be sick/in pain
2-It could have some sort of developmental issues and is freaking out about over stimulus around it
3-It could be a spoiled child that isnt getting its way
4-The parent could have just spanked it/disciplined it some how
5-Its over tired and needs a nap..or is hungry and hasnt eaten

There are MANY reasons why a child could have a meltdown. Who am I to judge the reason and say something to the parent? Its not my place and it isnt anyone else's either.

Mr. Crook, its not all about you. Different people have different levels of need. If you can not understand that or dont have the patience then move to another country. We dont need you here. There are many other people that would love to have the air that you are wasting by breathing yourself.

This is just my opinion, of course it doesnt mean much is the big scheme of things, but I couldnt believe the ignorance of some people. Also, why is some guy in New Jersey looking at a Facebook group for people that live up here?? Get a life and go back to your dirty, smelly state!

HAPPY AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH!

Yep, thats right, you read it! April is Autism Awareness Month, so come on people! Be aware and care :) hehe..that rhymed.

So, there was my PSA. Now on to my nonsense. So, what is new?? Hmm..well, we'll get to that. I have decided to make this a weekly thing. Mostly for my own entertainment and because I am so bored. Also to give me something to do while Gage is in his sessions...besides laundry, because I truly hate laundry and will avoid it at all costs.

These past few days have been dragging. Gage has had his sessions as usual, he is doing pretty good. Last night I decided to see if he would eat with a utensil. This is something he has struggled with..he doesnt even like to take bits off of a spoon, unless its ice cream(hehe). So, my mother told me she got him to eat pudding off of a spoon and since Gage's therapist and I at his eval. talked about working on this more I figured why not try it. So last night I sat Gage in his highchair and got some butterscotch(yuck) pudding ready. It took me a few minutes to get some on his lips so he got the taste and would realize that he likes it. Once I finally did, he sat there and with some hand over hand help dug the pudding out of the cup and into his mouth. :) So today when Krystal came I told her about it and we decided to give it a go again. So at 9:30 this morning Gage had pudding for breakfast, lol. I will say, I was quite proud to see my little man sitting there and eating pudding all by himself with a spoon. He even scooped it all by himself too! I wish I could have caught it on tape, but I was too late. It was a big step for him so I was happy. If I have to feed him pudding everyday for breakfast so he will get the hang of it, I'll do it!

This Friday Justin and I go to Albany for Gage's evaluation with the developmental pediatrician. This is his second time seeing her, the first time was when he was diagnosed. I am anxious to see what she will say. Will Gage "preform" what he knows? or will he have a meltdown? I have no idea and what makes me wonder what will happen. I'm hoping for the best and that he shows what he can do and what he has learned. We are leaving early so that way Gage has time to rest, eat and run around before his appt. Its a long drive for him, so he will need the break. I know last time she said that she could tell he was very smart and he may possibly have Asperger's..but its too early to tell.

I do have to say, I am getting more and more excited about Long Island! Mostly to make fun of the accents(just kidding)..but seriously...Cawfee? What is that? Ourange? Huh?? Dawg? Really?? lol..I'll be walking around saying "You talk funny." No, all kidding aside, I am excited. Even if I dont speak the language. :) I kid, I kid..

I realized something looking back at past blogs/notes/whathaveyou..I type like I am talking to thousands of fans. I dont know why, I am sure I dont have thousands of fans..but I guess its just my thing, lol. I also realized I really like this blogging thing. Its nice to stop and think about your day/week/month and pretend like you are talking to people that want to hear it..even if there arent. Of course..my mind goes around and around..I swear I have a touch of add..that I can never remember everything. Even if I do remember, I sometimes dont get around to it, because I go off on one of my random tangents. Oh, here is another one of those coming...

I looked at my bank statement today and felt sick. I realized that I spent WAY, now I mean WAAAAAY too much money. Like..pay my rent or having spending money in NYC kind of thing. I have back up, but it was supposed to be saved, well..thats out the window! I have to "borrow" from some of that so I can do what I need to do. I also realized I am way too much of a compulsive shopper. Seriously..I go into Walmart for paper towels and come out with 5 magnet frames, fake flowers, chips, laundry basket, 5 $5 movies and some gummy candy(no lie, this has happened very recently). I cant just go and buy what I need...because I "NEED" what is on sale or a good bargain. I dont know why..but I digress. hehe..I've always wanted to say that, lol.

So..back to my vacation..see..random as all hell...I really cant wait to visit with Brit and Dan. Its going to be nice to have adult conversation and not just me singing cartoon theme songs to a smiling 2 year old. Although, as fulfilling as that is, it tends to tire you out. Plus, I think its going to be a really fun time. Brit is goofy and Dan seems laid back...and I love when people get my dirty/dumbass sense of humor!

Ooohh..another thing! I cant believe the amount of people coming to the walk! I mean family, friends..its awesome. I feel and I know this sounds selfish and isnt true..but that they are really showing support for Gage by doing this. I know its not all about him or for him, but to me..he is my Autism Awareness. Its great though..I wanted to say thanks to Karen for doing the raffle, that is just plain awesome of you Little Buddy :)

I am pretty sure I should stop now..I could go on and on...about nothing. Hey! Maybe its like Seinfeld, hehe. Its the blog about nothing..if only I could get rich from it! Yeah, like THAT will ever happen. Well...I know there were a few things I wanted to add on here..but I forgot them. I'll add them as I remember.

OOOH! Wait! I remembered! Today sucked! lol..how could I forget? Well..let me give you the Cliff's Notes of it...I have been sick, like siiiiiick sick. I am finally feeling better. Last night my phone/internet went out I decided to wait until the morning to deal with it. This morning still out. So I borrow the internet connection from next door(thanks Donna..hehe) and do a live chat with the internet people. So...after a long explanation and waiting FOREVER for the guy to respond guy #1"I cant help you, let me transfer the conversation for you to someone that can help"...ok...no problem...guy #2 comes on..hes apparently too lazy to read so I have to explain it all again...then guy #2" I cant help you..blah blah blah, you have to call this number". So, at this point I am less that my sunshiney self(no comments peanut gallery!) and I tell the guy that I have no phone, no cell phone..how can I call? He says, and I quote "Go to a pay phone"....A PAY PHONE! arrrrr! So....nicely, of course I tell him that I have a 2 year old here(and yes, I used the term special needs because I was pissed) and can not simply just run to a pay phone(plus I was still in my pj's), besides I wont pay $10 to call their company..and with the technology available how can they not have a live chat for this particular division? I used it with all the other divisons of their company. He says he apologized whatever..and says I should get a hold of a family member. I said to him sure, I'll give one a call. What a dumbass! lol Well..I finally found the tracphone I have, there is only like 28 minutes left on it. So I call this number and I had just enough time to tell the guy my reference number, that I have talked to 2 others, I have no phone and am on a tracphone with under 30 minutes. Just as I get the reference number out..my phone seems to go dead. I cant hear a thing! Oh was I mad. I had to hang up, but couldnt make a call and even if I could I couldnt hear anything...I finally think..well, lets try to text. I sent one to my mother and aunt(because my mother always leaves her phone in the car).

By this time Gage is fast asleep and I hear a loud knocking..now keep in mind I am still in my pj's..I answer the door and see this guy taht looks 12 years old. I was just in the right mood and was about to say "whatever you are selling I dont want any" when he says he was the internet guy. Now you can imagine my surprise..and embarasssment. I'm in a t-shirt and fleece Barbie printed pajamas while watching wifeswap and avoiding laundry. So, he comes in and I am pretty impressed at this point. All I could think is that the last guy must have read the report from the other 2 guys and took it upon himself to call for service(my hero!). I didnt even get his name!

So, the kid comes in the living room and what happens? lol..the tv starts playing again and the first thing that is said....get ready for it...all loud and clear all you could hear was "anal cavity"..yep, thats right..anal cavity. I looked at the guy and said..I'm sorry. He laughed and said it was ok. Yeah, this chick on tv was talking about her dog's anal cavities. lovely. So..long story short...everything is all fixed and he was very nice.

Ok, ok I know..that wasnt the Cliff's notes version..sue me! :)

Too tired to function..

It's been a busy week, well its always busy it seems..but this one was particularly busy. Gage had is usual sessions, Speech Therapy, Special Instruction and OT. So my days are usually full from that alone because the first two come 4 times a week and OT is twice. They want to bump him up to 5 times a week for the first two. I dont know if we are going to do it or not yet..as it is there are no days off. I tried to get a day off but with scheduling conflicts it didnt happen. I know Gage needs the therapy and it is helping alot..but 5 times a week! The poor kid can never have a play date or just go anywhere. I feel so guilty that I never bring Gage anywhere. He needs socialization with other kids his age so badly. A typical day goes like this:

Wake up anywhere from 8:30-9:00 (unless its Friday, they he wakes up at 7:45)
Krystal(SI teacher) comes from 9:30-10:15
Breakfast(if he doesnt eat when Krystal is here)
Usually play/watch Little Einsteins for a little bit so he has some down time after therapy
Get changed/dressed..if I'm feeling froggy he gets a morning bath
Maribeth(OT) comes from 12-12:45
Tony(speech) comes depending on the day around 1-2
Lunch is fit in between therapy
Nap (this kid naps from like 1:30/2:00 until sometimes almost 5!)(if he doesnt get his "full" nap there is hell to pay)
After nap usually he wakes up, plays a little more
Dinner
A little more playtime
Bed


When I can, which isnt always I fit in times to go here and there..but not usually. Now writing this down it seems like I have more time than I think to do things..but it never follows how I put it down here. In between all of that I have to find time to clean, get myself ready, laundry(which always gets forgotten), plus whatever for the day.

It gets tiring..I can only imagine how Gage feels. I dont think we can do 5 times a week. I want Gage to gave a day to sleep in. I usually cant get him to sleep before 10:30pm..I know, thats late..and with such a long nap it would explain it. Without that nap though, Gage is miserable..and when baby isnt happy, NO one is happy. Plus..sometimes I sneak one with him :) I have woken him up early from his naps, but it takes him almost 45 minutes just to wake up if I wake him up early. So, it really defeats the purpose.

I feel like we both need one day to make appointments, play dates, sleep in, just whatever we want to do that day. The weekends are too hard because nothing is open(like business stuff/doctors) so that doesnt work..Plus sometimes he has sessions on Saturdays.

Oh the good side though, therapy is going really well for Gage. I think he is thriving. Just in the past month he is doing alot more. Just the other day he asked me "Why?". It was adorable. He is getting goofier by the day, which those of you that know Gage know he was already pretty goofy. He has been particularly attached to me this past week. It makes me wonder how he will be when I go to visit Brittany in Long Island in April. I'll be gone from the 9th-13th. It'll be odd to be away, but I think I need the vacation. I never go anywhere or do anything. I cant with Gage's schedule. Everyday his schedule is different..the example I gave is just an average Monday. Tuesday-Friday are all different. I cant wait to go to Chinatown! Purses here I come!!! :)

Gage has his 6 month evaluation on friday. This eval. is for Early Intervention..they see how he is doing and if his services get bumped up or taken away. I already know he is eligible to get bumped up..but I want to know what they think of his progress. In April we go down to Albany to get evaluated again by the pediatric psychologist(or whatever she is) to see how he is progressing. This is the doctor that first diagnosed him. Shes a little odd to say the least, she doesnt hold her tongue for anyone. Very to the point and blunt. Luckily I havent had a run in with her yet..she hasnt been rude...yet. I have heard stories though. I really am interested to see what she says about him. Of course I am sure she doesnt take into consideration that he is 2 1/2, she is a stranger and we drove over 2 hours to go see her. Because you know a 2 hour car ride wont make a kid cranky at all...note the sarcasm. I think no matter what though, Justin, me, Gage's therapist and family see the changes in him. We know he is progressing and thats what matters.

Oh! I almost forgot! So yesterday was busy, busy, busy! Gage had a doctors appointment after his special instruction session..so I busted butt to get us ready and there for 10:40. Gage is getting tested for certain food allergies. Hes getting tested for allergies to milk, wheat and he is getting a test for Celiac. I carry the gene for Celiac so he could inherit it from me(lucky Gage). Now I know alot of stomach problems seem to go hand in hand with Autism(or so I have been told) but I have enough issues with stomach problems that it could be genetic too. So I am seeing what is going on before I do anything. He is getting ALOT of gas problems and I hate to see him in pain anymore. Plus his skin is so dry, the doctor said its eczema but he also said milk allergy can cause that. Of course I wont be bringing him to get is blood drawn, that will be Justin's job. There is NO way I could do that. I could cry and because I used to draw blood myself, I would be really annoyed if things were not done just right with my little man. So its best for all involved that I wait in the car and then come swooping in for the hugs and kisses.

So thats all really for now. I am working on cleaning this house and getting it organized..its going to take forever. Mostly because I am working at turtle(I like Turtles!) speed but also because I am fitting in organizing and cleaning where I can during the day.

I dont have all my pictures set here yet..but here is one from St. Patricks Day..

Just a quick post....

I figure while I'm sitting here watching The Princess Bride(Inconceivable!) I'll write up a little update.

Today was pretty blah, avoided housework, played with Gage..just the usual. I wanted to just write to let everyone know how well Gage is doing. He is imitating more and more each day, he's really trying to use his words. Just today he wanted to get out of his highchair and while signing "down" he actually said it. Yesterday Gage, Justin and I went to K-Mart to get a few of these baskets they have for sale there and Justin went to the bathroom. So Gage and I were walking around the baby section, getting bored so I was talking to Gage and asking him where Daddy is. I asked him a few times and at one point I said "Gage, where Daddy go?" and Gage responded as clear as can be "Don't know". Needless to say I was speechless, he's never said that before. I honestly think that his different therapies and Justin and I not catering to him as much are really helping. He just in these last few months have been thriving, he may not be as advanced according to his IEP, but seeing him in person it is a HUGE improvement. He still has a bit to go, but I think with more socialization, constant stimulation, therapy sessions and his determination that he will just keep doing better. Of course I already think he is perfect...but a little more speech cant hurt :)

Justin and I were talking last night and we were both thinking the same thing. If you look at Gage and watch him you wouldnt think he was on the spectrum. I've heard that from alot of people and just the other day I was told the same thing during a playdate with Jack and Danielle. It got me thinking more and more, so I was talking to him and its odd. There are so many things that fit and so many that dont. I know not all children on the spectrum are the same and every case is so varied, but there is just so much that doesnt fit. I dont want to say that I think the diagnosis is wrong, but I'm almost thinking we should get another one just to satisfy the questions. I mean, yes, Gage's speech is lagging..but I've been told by MANY people that they have/know kids that havent spoken unil they were 4 years old. His eye contact can vary, but what shy kid looks strangers in the eye the first time they see them? Gage spins, well so dont I, so dont alot of kids. Gage doesnt do it constantly, if he has a toy that has a propeller for example, he will spin it off and on. He will also fly it and just carry it too. Gage does seek pressure, he is a very sensory orientated kid, I wont deny that at all. The kid loves to be on his head, he's a little acrobat for sure. He has the tendency to stim when he is very excited/happy or overstimulated/tired. He doesnt do it very often though. Now, I know reading that you might think "Well there you go Barbie, you just said if for yourself. He has alot of the signs." True, like I said, he does..but here are somethings that I have been told are not typical for kids on the spectrum.

Gage is VERY affectionate, like he will kiss strangers. He has always been like this. If I tell him to kiss Bob the janitor, chances are he will. Of course he can be picky about that. He tends to only kiss the cute guys and girls(thats my boy!). He seeks attention and loves to be tickled, held, played with. He is very gentle and caring. If someone on a cartoon is sad or sad music is playing he will get emotional and sometimes cry. He is very sensitive. He doesnt care about routine, he does well with or without one. If he misses a nap, he is usually alright. Most kids thrive on a routine, so you can use that as something that only kids on the spectrum need. He is very animated and goofy..again with the seeking attention. He will just do some of the silliest things to make you laugh. I swear he does it on purpose.

I dont know what to think about it really, it fits but it doesnt. My mind is going back and forth over it. Gage to me, seems to have more sensory things than anything. I'm not a doctor though, so who knows.

I suppose I'll just go back to watching Princess Bride and contemplate all of this in the morning.

So...here we go..

Alright, this is my first actual blog site. Yes, I have old posts on here..but thats because I wanted to add those so when I did new ones people would have a little insite on what was going on before. I wasnt really a very constant blogger but I think now that I dont work I just might be. Not that I think anyone is going to be reading these anyway. They are more for me and so I can look back, see how far Gage and I have come. Just reposting what I have I realized I pretty quickly went from devastation to acceptance. Its odd really. So..incase you havent noticed I am horrible with punctuation and I have no intention on getting any better..hehe. I use my little pauses.....<--- like that one, constantly. So you might want to get used to it or you'll go nuts with this blog. I know I posed old blogs but let me just give you a little more info. Oh, by the way...I type alot of the times like I am talking to someone so the "you" I mention is whoever...its just easier for me to type my thoughts like that, like a conversation. Again, I am far from an english major.

Anyway..here is a little back story on me, Gage and everything else for those of you that dont know it already.

Lets start with me:

Barbie-
I'm 27, I finally dont work anymore..I stay with Gage all day, which can be enough work sometimes. I love all things photography, cooking, baking and anything artsy really. I am a Guitar Hero enthusiast(and I might say I kick some booty), I am completely random(you'll learn that soon), I'm overly sensitive, a junk food junkie, love kids(especially little fat ones), I am extremley picky with foods(textures, smells), I VERY rarely eat beef(it makes me gag a little bit and even when its in, say a taco..I scrape all the meat out), I think that garlic makes everything taste better, love Amaretto mudslides and have been with the same person since 11th grade. Oh...and it seems like I am ALWAYS sick.

Justin-
He's my old man(hehe), 27(but older than me..haha) and Gage's De(thats how he says daddy). He is an EMT extraordinaire and loves all things medical. He also is a Red Sox fan(back off Yankee fans), one heck of an air guitarist, can make a mean steak(I suppose, I dont eat that poop) and has a freakishly large big toe(he'd hate that I put that on here..hehe)

Now..most importantly...

Gage-
Gage Michael O'Neil(hence the nickname Oatmeal) was born on August 10, 2006. He is my gentle giant. He is only 2 1/2 right now but is over 3ft tall. He has beautiful big green/brown eyes and a giggle that is to die for. He has my crooked little toe and Justin's big toe, the poor kid will never be a foot model. Gage loves bananas, funyons and chocolate milk. His new obsession is Little Einsteins, he brings a rocket with him everywhere we go. Gage loves to dance, listen to us sing songs from different cartoons, hug and kiss and of course stand on his head. He is truly a little monkey. He is just amazing to watch everyday.

Gage was diagnosed with PDD-NOS but it's odd really. He does show alot of the typical symptoms. He stims, spins, has some issues with social interaction, has certain sensory issues and his speech is not where it should be for his age...but in some ways he is so different that those typical symptoms. He is VERY loving, with almost anyone really. He loves to kiss and hug. He give eye contact with alot of people, but is timid(like alot of kids) around strangers. He is very gentle and caring. He like attention, rough housing and being tickled. He is quite the goof ball.

I could go on and on about him...but you'll learn more as I go. Besides I dont want to make this a 14 page blog all about how awesome Gage is..because I could!

Oh..on a random note..I think its funny that spell check wanted to change funyons to bunyons...hehe.

Gage and Daddy rocking out some Guitar Hero

Being goofy around the house
Mr. Sunburst
His soon to be album cover
Therapy with Tony and Krystal

Walk it out...walk it out...

Here is the walk that is going on in town. Gage's speech therapist helped to create it. I'll be taking the photos for the event :) Come stop by, walk, donate...every little bit helps! Show your support!


The 2009 Autism Awareness Walk

2009 Autism Awareness Walk
Benefiting Nexus

When: Sunday, April 19th, 2009
Where: PARC Oval Plattsburgh, NY
Time: 10:00am - Registration & Activities
11:00am - Walk Begins

www.autismawarenesswalk.org/

Don't speak for me

Ok...so I'm a little irritated. I received a book from Karen by Jenny McCarthy(by the way, thank you Karen.. :) ) I generally like Jenny McCarthy, I have even recommended her pregnancy books to many people. They are funny, light and dont hold back all the crap that comes with pregnancy. I felt like after reading Belly Laughs I was much more prepaired for the grossness of pregnancy. It wasnt sugar coated like many books. She tells you all-hemmeroids, sweating and weight gain...she doesnt hold back. So it was nice to get a real view on it. Anyway...most people know her son is Autistic. She has been lobbying about vaccines for awhile now and have writen 2 books about her expierence. Well...once I got Gage's diagnosis I thought "I'm going to read those books of hers, I liked the other ones". I was just too cheap to buy them :) Karen was nice enough to think of me when she saw one for sale and asked if I wanted it, which I really appreciated. Acutally....let me give you a little background first before I continue...

Ok...there are MANY people out there that are convinced that vaccines are what causes Autism. period. That is the only thing that could possibly be the answer. Now...I am not one of those people. I dont deny the fact that it could have very well been the trigger for many children, hell I'm not a scientist how would I know all that dna crap? I personally feel that Autism is genetic and is triggered by something in the childrens environment. Weither that trigger is vaccines, diet, a mitochondrial disorder(which is the case in one very public law suit), dyes in the childs food, preservatives...I dont really know. There are so many things now that are added to EVERYTHING we use/eat/touch that I dont really know. I just feel that there are so many things pointing to genetics. I mean come on, there are quite a few families out there that have more than 1 Autistic child...there are families that ALL the children are Autistic...some other families have only 1 child but have Autistic relatives(which is my newly discovered case...I found out a relative is on the spectrum). I also think that medical advances and awareness have really brought an insite it all. Who knows how long Autism has truly been around. It could have been around longer than anything else, but we never knew the signs or were able to diagnosis it. Maybe thats why it is so prevalent now...we actually know what it is. Either way I dont feel that anyone will truly know what it is or what causes it..thats just the nature of the beast. Hopefully sone day we will...

Ok..now to continue with my story....ok..Jenny McCarthy is really a crusaider for green vaccines...which is not a bad thing, putting anything foreign in our childrens bodies is always scary. But...I started reading the book..first the forward by some doctor. In it she contradicts herself a few times..but I just ignored that. I was reading it to hear Jenny's take and to possibly get some insite on the issue myself or to hear about how she says she "cured" her son(more on that in a second). I though well...anything that could possibly improve Gage's life, I'm for it. Well...I read a few paragraphs and started to get a little annoyed but I continued because I had had a bad day anyway so I thought it was nothing. Well...1 1/2 chapters late the book was on the floor. I seriously got upset. Here is why...she says in the book how mother's of Autistic children know that vaccines caused Autism, mothers of Autistic children believe this, say that, think this...well I was mad. I thought to myself..dont speak for me. Just because you think this, doesnt mean ALL mothers of kids on the spectrum think that way. How dare you speak for me! Theres another part where she says something like the mothers know why this or that. Well...no, this mother doesnt. I have no idea why my beautiful little boy has something that makes everyday more difficult for him than other children. Do I want something to blame, a defintive answer..or course! I could love to have something to say that, that right there is what Gage got Autism from and then squash it under my foot. Will that ever happen, I doubt it. I'm not saying that that is what they are doing, clinging to vaccines as an answer. They aren't. I believe in some cases, like I said, vaccines can trigger Autism..but not in all cases. There has to be some underlying factor...otherwise we would all be Autistic.

Now here is the other thing that bothered me. There are many things people say you can do to "cure" your child's Autism.Well...I dont buy it. There is no one size fits all cure. What works for you child, may not work for mine. There are diet changes, vitamins, supplements, therapies and biomedical interventions that people do. The diet is basically a gluten-free/caesin-free diet. I was actually thinking about this for Gage, but then thought he really has such a small list of things he eats that it isnt worth it. I dont want my child to starve because he wont eat potato bread..and I refuse to force him. It does work for many children, but I refuse to take anything away from Gage that he loves...and he certaintly loves his grilled cheese, sausage funyons. Of course my little guy knows the box/shape/texture/smell/ taste of those specific foods...if I try to change the brand, he wont eat it. I cant fool him at all. Vitamins and supplements I'm actually looking into, theres nothing wrong with those, vitamins are good for everyone. Who couldnt use a little more energy from some B12, I know I could. I just need to research what supplements and vitamins are suggested. Now...the biomed thing..this I am not comfortable with and here is why. What they do is chelation. Basically it is though that because of the vaccines there is excess heavy metals in the kids bodies and you need to get those toxins out to "fix" you kid. Well...chelation is VERY dangerous. It could kill an adult. You are basically putting horrible things in your body to strip it of those metals. I have heard about it doing wonderful things for kids..but I have also heard of it killing people. That is NOT something I am willing to risk. I dont care if 99 people live doing it...its that 1 that didnt that concerns me. I just dont like the fact of people saying they cured their child. Autism is a lifelong thing...maybe you can improve the underlying issues and therefore improve the child..but they will not go from Autistic to neurotypical. There is no magic potion. If there was...people would be buying case loads of it.

Now...with that said...I have been thinking alot about it. After reading what I did read of the book(now, I am going to finish it..I'll give it the change..you never know) and that Holland artice...I decided this much...

If there ever was a "cure" I dont want it. I dont need it. Gage is who he is and what he is. He is funny, beautiful, caring, loving, smart, goofy and has an awesome personality. Why in the world would I want to take the chance of that going away? I couldnt take the chance of "fixing" him and taking away the part of Gage that makes him, him. Maybe is isnt developing typically as far as his speech and social cues...but with everything else he has his strengths. He is VERY strong. He plays, laughs, obsessed over certain tv shows, cuddles, picks his nose, farts, poops, pees just like any other typical kid his age. What is normal anyway? Am I normal? Are you? Saying normal is really just wrong. To steal from his speech therapist... saying normal is like generalizing everyone. That could me that normal means everyone is 5'5", 150 lbs, has brown eyes and hair and is right handed. Well...so that person that is 5'2", 100 lbs with red hair and freckles isnt normal? What about that person that is 6'0", 220, blonde hair and green eyes with a bid mole? Are they weird? Who is qualified to judge this? Not anyone I know, thats for sure. As far as I am concerned Gage is more "normal" than MANY other kids I know. Gage is by far the most loving child I know...I know friends with kids that have to force a hug and kiss out of their children. I dont even ask..he just comes over and plants one on me because he wants to show that affection. Why would I ever want to change that? The way I see it, I have a good thing going and am really lucky to have the child I have, Autism and all. I have finally embraced the situation and am glad I have. Of course I have grieved..and at times still get a little "woe is me" moment...but any parent that have children with any type of difficulty would too. I feel like I would be greatful to have another child remotly like Gage, Autistic or not. Its amazing, he is actually better behaved that alot of kids that aren't on the spectrum. You would think the opposite is most cases. Either way, Gage is amazing and I am lucky to have the little booger.